Bittersweet Hope Page 3

  “Audrey? What’s the matter? Don’t you like it?” Mrs. Whitley studied me, her eyebrows drawing together.

  Part of me wanted to tell her I didn’t like it, to just say it wasn’t my thing, even though I loved the room. That would be easier than the truth.

  But Mrs. Anderson and the stern look she had given me flashed through my mind. I thought about Sierra and Sadie, and what their foster families might think if I gave the Whitley’s trouble. It was probably best to play it safe. Safe meant honest. Safe sucked.

  “No, Mrs. Whitley, the room is beautiful. I just . . . I don’t have any clothes to hang in there.” I motioned toward the closet. “I don’t,” my voice cracked, but I absolutely refused to cry, “I don’t have anything.” I finished, standing up as tall as I could.

  My admission hung in the air, the words a harsh reminder of the life I’d had just a few days earlier. And my Mama. I cleared my throat, forcing her out of my head.

  I focused instead on the beige carpet as heat crawled across my face. The seconds drug by as the silence lay heavy on my shoulders.

  I jumped when Mrs. Whitley touched my arm, just lightly enough to let me know she was there. Looking up, I found her glacier colored eyes staring into my own.

  “First off, please call me Anna. Second, I know you haven’t had it easy, Audrey. You wouldn’t be here if you had. I didn’t realize quite how hard . . . .”

  She trailed off as she looked at me, and it seemed as if she were taking in my appearance for the first time. I felt like a hobo in the plain clothes the state had given me. It was just a black sweat suit, so actually, I felt like a prisoner. I might as well have had handcuffs on. I couldn’t help but think of my mother again. Smoothing my hands down the legs of my pants, more to dry my sweaty palms than anything else, I forced myself to listen to what Mrs. Whitley was saying.

  “I’m here to make sure you have a nice place to live for a while,” she continued, “clothes, food. That’s why you’re with me. I promised Mrs. Anderson and the state of Alabama I would take care of you, and it’s a promise I fully intend to keep.” Her eyes crinkled again when she smiled. It made her whole face light up.

  “But . . .” Clothes cost a lot of money. How much was the state giving her to keep me?

  “No buts.” She stood back and looked me up and down. “Tell you what. I was in the middle of getting ready for supper, but I think we’re going to take a little shopping trip instead. You’re smaller than me, but I think I have some older things that will do for today. What do you say? Girls’ day, just you and me? Caleb won’t be home for hours. You can go and get showered while I finish putting the casserole together, then I’ll just stick it in the fridge and it can bake in the oven tonight instead of the crock pot all day, and I’ll write Caleb a note. Towels are under the cabinet. I even got you a new toothbrush yesterday and put in there, and some other toiletries, too. If you need help finding anything, you just yell, okay? The clothes will be laid out on the bed by the time you get finished.”

  I stood, shell shocked. Huh? This lady was going to take me on a shopping spree? I shook my head for what must have been the tenth time since I’d been dropped off at the Whitley’s. Surely I had to be dreaming.

  “Okay.” I said, dragging the word out to make it sound like three syllables instead of just one.

  She turned to leave.

  “Mrs. Whitley—I mean, Anna?”

  “Yes?”

  “Do you think when we get back I can call my sisters? Check on them?”

  She cocked her head to the side before she nodded. “Of course you can. The phone numbers are in the packet Mrs. Anderson left for you. I’ll just speak to their foster parents first and see what their rules are.”

  I exhaled deeply. “Thanks.”

  “Sure.” She went out the door and toward the stairs. “Like I said,” she called from the staircase, “if you need anything, just holler.”

  I needed Sierra and Sadie. They would love this room, this woman. She was like . . . a real mother. But Sierra and Sadie weren’t here. I had to at least try to make the best of it, so I didn’t have to work so hard at faking it when I talked to them later. I straightened my shoulders. Okay, Audrey. This is the hand you’ve been dealt, so deal with it. Buck up and get showered.

  I made my way to the bathroom and closed the door behind me, twisting the tiny lock on the knob. It wasn’t a huge room, but it was nice. It was more long than square, with a single sink and toilet on the side, and the shower taking up most of the back wall.

  I took inventory of the things on the dark green granite sink. Two separate toothbrush cups, one holding a blue toothbrush looking like it had seen better days, and the other holding a pink one still in the package. There was a bottle of shaving cream with the top sitting on the counter beside it, and a razor plugged into an outlet. That was it. He certainly didn’t seem like a fussy type of guy, this Caleb kid. Good. Better chances of him not giving me trouble if he wasn’t a pretty boy. I loathed pretty boys. Well, except Zach, but he didn’t embrace his pretty. He was like, the anti-pretty boy.

  Kneeling, I pulled open the door to the black cabinet and grabbed a towel and washcloth, then undressed and climbed into the shower, moving the handle as far to hot as my body could stand. Steam filled the space, a perfect scalding bliss. Every pore of my skin seemed to open and soak it all in. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been able to enjoy a shower, or if there had even been a first time.

  Next to the upper shelf I found a pink loofah. It still had the price tag attached, so it was probably mine, too. I squeezed some body wash onto it and began soaping up, then used the exfoliating face wash. Finally, turning around and letting the hot water run through my hair, I used the shampoo and conditioner, taking in every minute and almost crying remembering the slow trickle of cold water from our apartment. This was like, heaven.

  Just after I’d rinsed my hair, a loud creak knocked me right off my imaginary cloud.

  Turning the faucet off quickly, I stuck my hand out of the shower for my towel and looked toward the doorway as I hurriedly wrapped it around me, expecting to see Anna. Though for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why she would come in.

  It wasn’t Anna. A boy, a super good looking one, who had to be Caleb stood staring at me. Blinding spots jumbled in front of me, making everything fuzzy. I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again, praying that maybe my mind was playing tricks on me. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.

  “What the hell?” I yelled the words before thinking about it. He looked at me, and my first thought was that I must look like a wet rat covered in one of his mother’s nice linens. His blue eyes, the same bright color as Anna’s, were dancing with amusement. My knees bent automatically, almost giving out underneath me as I gulped.

  “Shouldn’t I be the one saying that?” His voice was deep and rich, like velvet. He leaned against the counter, slinging a T-shirt over his shoulder. It was impossible not to take in the sight of the muscles stretched over his arms and torso as he looked me up and down.

  “Didn’t you hear the water running in here?” I demanded. I grabbed my hair and twisted, wringing the water out. I lifted one foot to step out onto the mat in front of the shower, but thought twice and decided I was better off where I was.

  “Didn’t you know you’re in someone else’s shower? I mean, an intruder is an intruder, even if it is a good looking one.” His full lips parted in a crooked smile.

  The nerve! An intruder? Did this guy really think I broke into his house and just decided to take a shower, all with his mother downstairs? I rolled my eyes. I had hoped this guy would be easy to deal with, not give me any problems. But I didn’t do well with idiots.

  “Caleb? Audrey?” Anna burst into the bathroom, drinking in a big gulp of air.

  “Audrey?” Caleb asked. He looked at his mother with his eyebrows raised.

  Anna stared at the scene before her. Me, standing in the shower wrapped in nothing but a towel, soak
ing wet from head to toe. Her son, who was looking at her as if she’d grown another head.

  “I locked the door.” I told her as I lifted my shoulders, not knowing what else to say. My voice sounded hoarse, even to me.

  Caleb jiggled the handle. The lock was still in place. “Hasn’t worked in years.” He put his hand over his mouth, shielding his smile as he looked at his mother. Well. Just because he was cute—okay, gorgeous—didn’t mean he could be irritating as all hell.

  Anna’s shoulders sagged. She obviously hadn’t even told him about me. She probably had some grand way for us to meet each other all planned out. I’d bet money on the fact that she thought we’d all be one big, happy family. Yeah. Right.

  “I’m so sorry, Audrey.” Anna slapped Caleb on the shoulder. “You weren’t supposed to be home until tonight. You scared the life out of her!”

  His deep laugh seemed to bounce through the entire room. “I scared the life out of who? I don’t know who she is! I guess I wasn’t aware we were expecting company.” He looked in my direction again, and I tightened my towel. Jerk. Still, every time I looked at him the dark spots flashed in front of my eyes again.

  “She’s not company. She’s your new sister.”

  I winced. Sister my ass. I mean, I liked Anna and everything, but c’mon!

  His expression went from amused to bewildered in a nanosecond. “Huh?” He asked, his voice actually squeaking a little bit. I couldn’t help but smile at his discomfort. Served him right.

  Anna shook her head. “Just get out of here, Caleb. Let her go get her bearings since you almost gave her a heart attack. Come on downstairs and I’ll tell you all about it.” She turned to me. “Audrey, I put those clothes in your room. Meet me in the kitchen when you’re dressed, okay?”

  Nodding, I watched as Anna ushered a very confused Caleb out the door. His questions rang through the hallway as they headed down the stairs.

  “Her room? Mom, what’s going on?”

  Their voices trailed off before I could hear her reply. Great. She was going to go tell him all about their new charity case. Me.

  Twisting my hair again in my hands to squeeze the water out, I stepped onto the mat bordering the tub. Just as I was about to dry off, a thought entered my mind and I darted to the door to make sure it was closed tight.

  A second later, I scuttled into my bedroom, double checking to make sure the lock on the door worked. Anna had laid out a pair of jeans and a red t-shirt. Nothing fancy, but beggars can’t be choosers. I’d be grateful for anything.

  I swallowed over and over as I dressed, Caleb’s face clouding my mind. I’d never ridden a roller coaster, but Mama, in one of her coherent moments, had once told me how it felt. Like your stomach was flying on top of your head. Like I was feeling right now.

  After using the blow dryer Anna had left on the nightstand, I straightened my shoulders and headed for the stairs. It had crossed my mind just to lock myself in the bedroom, to hide away and fake a stomach ache or a headache, or anything that would get me out of leaving the safety of that one square space. Except I couldn’t do that, because that would upset Anna, and Caleb would probably think it was because of him. Even if it was because of him, it wasn’t like he needed to know that. I could function perfectly well in front of an attractive guy.

  I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my jeans. Mama had always said you could tell a lot about a person by the way they moved their hands when they weren’t thinking about it. There seemed to be no way to keep my hands still at the moment, so I figured my pockets were my best bet.

  I made my way down to the kitchen. Anna was loading dishes into the dishwasher. I didn’t see Caleb anywhere, which made my shoulders feel at little bit lighter at least. “I’m ready.” I told her.

  She looked up and nodded. “Okay. I’m just finishing up in here.” She put the last glass on the top rack and closed the lid.

  “Did he freak out?” I asked, chewing on my lower lip.

  She raised her eyebrows. “Caleb? Nah. He’s pretty laid back most of the time. The only time he’s ever really gotten uptight was right after Kyle . . .” She looked down at the wedding rings she still wore on her left hand. “Well, he took that kind of hard.”

  “I could see where that would be a difficult thing to deal with.”

  “Yes. You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you? I’m sorry about your mother.” Anna’s kind face softened, and immediately I could tell she was focused on my pain instead of her own.

  I hesitated. “It’s okay.” I would have said that it was bound to happen sooner or later but I didn’t want Anna to think I was harsh. Even though it would have been the truth. Hopefully she would just think I didn’t want to talk about it. That wasn’t far from the truth, either.

  Anna smiled at me. “Let me just grab my purse.” After taking off her apron and hanging in on the peg near the door, she picked up a black leather bag from the kitchen table. “Let’s go.”

  I followed her to the front door. Well. Here goes nothing.

  Chapter Four

  Just a few hours later, shopping bags covered every bit of space on my new bed. It still hadn’t really sunk in yet, that all of it was mine. It was more clothes than I’d ever owned in my whole life. And not only at one time. Ever.

  Anna had made me try on dress after dress, jeans, khakis, tops. She’d piled purses and costume jewelry and lotions into my arms. Even when I told her to stop, it was all too much, she just kept grabbing things.

  “Don’t worry about it, dear.” She’d said. Yeah right. In the back of my mind was the nagging feeling it would all have to be paid back somehow. And I had zero dollars to my name. Less than zero. Knowing my luck Mrs. Golden might still come after me for the rent Mama had owed. Surely not, though…I decided not to think about it. If it was going to be a problem, it would have to be one for another day. Instead I kept looking over the purchases on my bed.

  Anna had even gotten me a pre-paid cell phone, but had made me promise not to call Sierra or Sadie until she checked with their foster families to see if it was okay. The phone was supposed to be for emergencies only. I mean, it wasn’t anything upscale, which I never would have expected anything at all anyway. But Anna had said only people living in the dark ages didn’t have some sort of way to communicate at all times.

  I had to keep the devil off my shoulder though. My mother had been buried in a plain pine box, state provided, only two days ago. The only people there had been my sisters and I, and Mrs. Anderson and Officer Cane had come, too. And here I was, my heart racing over some new clothes. I just hoped Sierra and Sadie were having similar experiences. I hoped they could find some kind of joy in the shitty cards we’d been dealt. It was the only way we would all get through it.

  Thinking about my sisters stung more than thinking about Mama. Maybe because I’d gotten so used to not really having a mother a long time before she actually died. I’d always just done for myself. Still, my shoulders dropped with the weight of my guilt.

  I walked into the closet and flipped the light switch on, facing the empty hangers which only a few hours earlier had sent me into a mini melt down. Now it was simple to walk over and just hang things up. When everything was organized just the right way, I moved on to the lotions and accessories, laying them carefully side by side on top of the dresser.

  “Having fun?”

  Goose bumps automatically popped up on my arm. Caleb leaned in my doorway, eating an orange. My back stiffened. I didn’t know if he was genuinely trying to have a conversation with me or if he was trying to make me feel guilty that his mom had spent this money on me. I sure didn’t need his guilt. I had more than enough already.

  “I’m just, uh, putting things away.” My mouth felt dry, and it annoyed the hell out of me. He was just a guy. Just a hot, sexy guy with muscles and a tan and pretty eyes and . . . shit.

  “You got a lot of nice stuff.” He nodded toward the closet.

  “Yes. Thanks to your mama. She’s pretty gr
eat.”

  A smile crept across his face at the mention of Anna. “She is pretty awesome, huh?”

  I nodded, then silence stood stale in the air for a good minute. It seemed like forever, though. I couldn’t seem to find anything to do with my hands. After twiddling my thumbs and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, I finally jammed them back into my pockets.

  Caleb took one last bite of his orange and wiped his palms on the dark khaki shorts he wore. “Well. See ya.”

  “Bye.” My mouth still felt like it was full of cotton. It was completely irritating to keep noticing how gorgeous he was. Stupid estrogen.

  He turned, and a second later I heard a nearby door close. I gathered the shopping bags to take down to the trash, hoping Anna wasn’t too set on that brother and sister thing. Because, uh—I didn’t think that would work out too well.

  When I got downstairs, Anna was organizing the insides of her pantry. She smiled as I walked in.

  “Hey Audrey. I hope you like pizza casserole.” Her smile disappeared immediately. “Oh no. You’re not a vegetarian or anything are you?”

  I halted. Nobody ever cared what I liked to eat.

  “Uh, no. I like most anything. Except fish. I don’t eat any kind of fish.” Was it okay to tell her that? It sort of felt like I should eat anything offered to me. But the thought of eating something slimy, that slithers around in the water . . . gross. Double gross.

  She laughed. “Well, Caleb will be heartbroken. We have a pond out back and he loves to catch catfish for dinner.”

  I walked to the window overlooking the backyard, which I hadn’t had the chance to explore yet. There was a patio with a table and chairs, and a few hundred yards away sat a pretty good sized pond. Beyond the pond, I saw an old looking swing-set, then woods that went on for what must have been miles.

  “You guys have a beautiful home here. I’ve never seen anything like it.” I hugged my arms to my chest. Hearing a slight movement, I turned to see Anna had walked up behind me.